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The Ultimate Fairytale : A short history of Greece, Rome, Israel, England, France, and Germany.

United States of America

To understand American history, we must go back to the days of Spanish supremacy; the days when a significant portion of the population considered the system of absolution a model aptly fit to impose on all and sundry. This religion must be recalled as a culture, and not blamed on Spain alone. To bring our minds to the date we will send Don Quixote on a voyage around the world.

As we have such an esteemed passenger, we choose to cross to North America--a trip with little interest in general, considering the place had little with which to fill our coffers.

Reaching the shore, our hero is convinced that this country has not reached the sixth day of creation: the party wanders on for days before the smoke of a village is seen. On reaching it, they manage to convince the villagers that they are there merely out of curiosity, are thus received hospitably, and given a chance to observe.

And the people are beautiful, and content.

But Don Quixote is also content, for, we know not how, but having returned to their ship, and preparing for departure, our hero discovers that one of the natives had made her way to the ship, and was grappling with one of the precious sailors; a job for a knight errant! Fearlessly he raised the alarm, and she was escorted back to shore, for many years hence to stare wistfully at the ocean.

Leaving the ship and Don Quixote to go on their way, we return with her to shore, and observe the Americans: not saintly, but enjoying their beautiful land.

Until a dot on the top right established itself as the home of a peculiar kind of creature: though similar in features to Don Quixote's party, this creature spurned absolution. And it was a wonder that they reproduced at all: as the only sign of affection seen was that of holding hands like boy and girl.

The dot itself reproduced in harmony with the will of the Americans.

But now came the French, and more English, and war with the two. It may be that the Americans thought that their original friends were being unbrotherly: howsoever it may be, they, the Americans, sided with the French.

And the immigrants came in rolling waves.

And the Americans wondered what had happened to those creatures which seemed not to know passion: now their deadly enemy.

Totally and utterly inflexible, and methodical, those creatures and their fellow soldiers brought the war to an end. But the face of the land had been changed; and the Americans found that their law was now inferior; and henceforth the immigrants called themselves American.

Those of us on the outside--not having ties with England or America--try in vain to understand what brought on the War of Independence. For the English justifiably believed that no King could turn on his parliament, following the events of the glorious revolution.

That the Americans were unhappy with being administered by the inflexible, methodical English, seems unlikely. It seems, to me, an excuse for a decision that had been made in the hearts of all Americans: to become a race apart.

Related: Joan of Arc, OCD.

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