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The Ultimate Fairytale : A short history of Greece, Rome, Israel, England, France, and Germany.

The Republic of South Africa

Ek sit twee stories van Suid Afrika (I place two stories about South Africa) in die selfde plek (side by side).

Of ek 'n Einstein was (If I was Einstein) sou ek hulle in 'n matrix gooi (I would en-Matrix them) en 'n nuwe taal maak (and jot down the principles of Universal Language Theory).

Seeing as I'm just Brian (Omdat ek net brian is) I must cop out of the challenge (wat 'n loser is) and plae my mother-tongue first ( ... ek sê net ... ).

... for those who like it straight ...

In the broad strokes, South African history is pretty straight-forward. The Portuguese took the East route to India, because the Spanish had claimed the West.

Their military was weaker than any of the South African nations that existed at the time; thus they settled on the islands to the east.

This established a peaceful trade in addition to the one already established along the east coast to the north. And it lasted for the better part of a century.

The Portuguese then lost their power to Spain; but the Spanish seemed hardly interested in Southern Africa at all.

Slowly, military technology was evolving; as were ships. Slowly the protestant reformation was taking root.

The Spanish were conquered and the great rivalry between England and Holland began: healthy rivalry!

And now the European military was strong enough to take Cape Town by main force. And now the Hugenots had a place to run to, away from religious persecution.

It would not be wise to haggle over how much of the land was bought at a fair price, how much taken by force, and how much cheated: boys will be boys.

We make just one mention of people called Griquas; we have yet only met one person who assured us that the term is inoffensive (and to them made mention of Adam Kok; and recall, with the obligatory drink in our hand, the name Andries Waterboer).

The English respected the claims of the Dutch to Cape Town, and had no reason to make war for it.

But the French Revolution left a great big hole in the European continent. And, followed up by Napoleon, knocked the life out of Holland.

Thus the Dutch in South Africa became a nation of their own. But England would not risk them becoming a power of their own, to later threaten her shores; thus England established herself as master of the Cape Colony.

England did not want to extend her territories, and refused petitions to start a new colony at Durban.

But the Afrikaner, now, overwhelmed by feelings of servitude, went beyond the borders of English rule. Were they to be in command of a port, there would be the risk of them communicating with the enemies of England. And thus Natal was established.

And the feeling of enmity on the side of the Afrikaner grew to a bitter hatred.

And then diamonds were discovered, and the world descended on South Africa.

And then diamonds were discovered to be worthless; so numerous they were. To prevent those who had come to South Africa with their last penny ending their life in ruin, the diamond monopoly was established.

And then gold was discovered, but in a state which required machinery which the farmers could by no means acquire. Thus the English established themselves as a community within the Afrikaans state of Transvaal.

And bitter hatred does terrible things; but so too, capitalists with more money than sense.

... kan iemand asseblief my a regmakertjie gee?

Ek probeer om die geskiedenis van Suid-Afrika met my verkeerde taal om te vertel.

Die Portugese was die eerste.

Hulle wil nie met die mense van die Kaap veg nie; daarom het hulle ronde die hoek gaan. Daarom begin die geskiedenis van Suid Afrika op die Eilande van Mozambique.

Hulle wil nie met sterk manne om te baklei; daarom het hulle op die eilande van Moßambique hulle besigheid opgebou.

Dit het vir 'n paar generasies so to lê: en toe het die Spaniaarde die Portugese geinfiltree.

Die Spaniaarde sien Suid Afrika as nie to interesant nie: hulle was 'n beitjie Goud-Mal.

Sodat vir vier of vyf of ses generasies het dinge net so aangaan as onder die Portugese.

En toe het die Protestant Reformasie die mag van die Spaniaarde gebreek.

Maar dis nie alles wat beter is met 'n Protestant!

Alhoewel, die Franke se koning die Calvinist soek om dood to maak: ons weet dit omdat sy het hull ingefens!

En in 'n ander land 'n besigheid begin was wat die Portugees se besigheid vir niks maak om to lyk.

Seile op die water ooral die wêreld kon nou ons sien: Dutch, English, Portuguese, and Spanish flags--flying from wherever they fly them from (ask a·—-)(I don't know)(ekskuus vir my swak Afrikaans)!

Die Hollandse het besluit om met daarde sterk manne te praat--en veg. Ons is groot (groot) seuntjies en die veg wil uitgebreek!

Maar dat was nie 'n saak van mag om reg to wees: die Caucasians het nie teknologie groote as 'n musket (ek dink ek sou 'n assagia geneem voordat ek 'n musket wil gebruik).

Dit is die storie van die Kaap. Ons het baie vrae nog oor baie van die stories van Suid Afrika: maar ons weet dat vier of vyf of ses generasies van mense van die rainbow nation het veg soos groot (groot) seuntjies (en het soientjies, en weer palle gekom het deur die help van groot (groot) meisies).

En toe kom die groot (groot) Engelsman!

En sy het vir almal gesê dat die land nou syne was. Die mense van Suid Afrika--van die Kaap-kon nie wees wat in ander lander gebeer het.

Hulle kon nie wens wat gebeer het in ander lande wat die reel van die Engelsman nie 'n opsie was.

Hulle kon nie wens dat sivilaasie op die skouers van Russie en Engeland nou sit (ons noem nie die Oos om hulle se sivilaasie is verskillende).

Vir die meeste: ek praat oor Napoleon se groot (groot) planne.

But I'm not too interested in the history of europe.

En ek is nie te bekommered oor die beruik van groot (groot) Letters.

En toe het Engeland gesê dat 'n man nie 'n ander man se eienaar kan wees nie.

Nie net een of twee Afrikanse manne het soos niks anders as hulle persoonlikheid.

'Jy kan nie 'n man se eienaar wees nie!'

"Maar vat sou sy doen of ek nie hom sy kos gee, en gee nie hom 'n plek om sy kop to lê?"

'Do you not understand that slavery is un-Christian?'

"Ekskuus, meneer, hoekom praat jy nou Engels?"

Die gevoel het deur vier, vyf, of ses generasies opgegrooi.

Omdat ons nie stories van ander lande moet verduidelik, ons moet dit hier laat lê.

Wat bedoel dit of ons sê dat 'n man 'n eienaar het (marriage is a two-way street).

Moet ek nou erduidelik hoekom daar was twee groot vegtes tussen die Engels en die Afrikaans?

Moet ek nou verduidelik waarom ons nog nou die waarheid baklei ons oor?

Hoekom vra julle 'n Engelsman wat vir die grootste deel van sy lyf van die Afrikanse taal nog nooit hou nie?

Hoekom vra jy 'n Engelsman wat eerste grappies oor 'slegs only' gemaak het, en toe kon nie sien dat 'wrong way gaan terug' 'n grappie is?

Related: Canada, Socialism.

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